


Hummel Rhymes

by sassynosubete



Category: Glee
Genre: Fluff, Jealous Blaine Anderson, M/M, Multi, blink and you miss it brit/santana/quinn, kurt hummel can rap, minor samcedes, no corona virus just 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24997573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassynosubete/pseuds/sassynosubete
Summary: “Kurt, are you sure that you want to do this?”Mercedes was actually worried. She avoided looking at others in the group since it was their usual Friday-night-meet up and this challenge came out of nowhere (actually it was Sam and Blaine). All weird ideas came from Sam and Blaine.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Hummel Rhymes

**Author's Note:**

> I've started this a long time ago and it was going to rot in my wip folder if I didn't share it any time soon so here you go. (could have mistakes etc, not beta-read). (also Mannheim is chosen only because I got inspired by isi & ossi lol)
> 
> Songs mentioned:  
> Missy Elliott - Get Ur Freak On: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPoKiGQzbSQ  
> Doja Cat - Say So: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pok8H_KF1FA  
> Post Malone, Swae Lee - Sunflower:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApXoWvfEYVU  
> Qveen Herby - Busta Rhymes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQJwNETuUIM

“Kurt, are you sure that you want to do this?”

Mercedes was actually worried. She avoided looking at others in the group since it was their usual Friday-night-meet up and this challenge came out of nowhere (actually it was Sam and Blaine). All weird ideas came from Sam and Blaine. However, Kurt smiled warmly and put his hand on her shoulder.

“Yes Mercedes. It’s okay. I think it will be fun even!” His smile was reaching to his eyes but the group didn’t seem to believe him.

“Oh, okay. I know that I’m the whitest man here, even when Sam is here, no offense Sam,” Sam simply grinned and nodded “But I’m Kurt Hummel and I never ran away from challenges.”

Blaine held his hand tighter where it was sitting on the table and grinned. “It is official, we are going to _The Basement_!”

_(15 minutes earlier)_

“Why do we meet at _Scandals_ every week?” Sam was already tipsy from the beer and looked like he was ready to sit on Mercedes’ lap. Mercedes sighed.

“Because we sing and dance and other places are either too fancy or too nightclubby for us.” Kurt replied from where he was sitting. He patted the seat next to him so Mercedes ran away from clingy Sam and sat next to him; Sam pouted.

It was a thing they had, whenever they were in New York and free, they would meet up in Scandals and talk about good (sometimes really bad) times. Rachel was pregnant and she wasn’t allowed to drink so she refused to come to the Friday-night-meetups. Sam and Mercedes were a thing after Mercedes broke her engagement, and Kurt and Blaine were always at Scandals on fridays. _("We should live the life Blaine, the baby is on her way, after that, we can stay at home and watch Drag Race!" "Okay." Blaine gave one of those smiles and kissed Kurt before they left the house.)_ Mercedes’ friend Tesla was also with them.

“We are back bitches!!!” the sound broke the silence; Santana disturbed some people, stole their chairs, and made space for her, Brit and Quinn. After lots of hugs and kisses, Blaine and Sam started to make faces at each other and it was so obvious that they were trying to communicate, slightly drunk Santana reached and grabbed Sam's face.

“You gotta tell what that was about _Trouty Mouth_. No winkies under auntie Santana’s watch.”

Quinn saved him from Santana’s claws and smiled. “So Blaine, what is it?” At this point, Kurt had way too many cocktails but when he heard the words of “freestyle” “rap battle” “challenge” he suddenly got sobered. He turned to his tipsy but still dashingly handsome husband and blinked a few times with shock.

“You. Want. A. Group. Of. Ex-Choir. Members. To. Go. To. An. Underground. Rap. Club?” Kurt sobered after all those periods because what Blaine was saying was.. insane. “Honey, did you have too many drinks again?” Kurt held Blaine’s shoulders and shook him a little. Blaine rolled his eyes but smiled. Again, with one those smiles that were only for Kurt.

"I am serious. We always sing show tunes or top 40. I still can't get over the fact Sue beat me with Super Bass that day." (Mercedes explained it to Tesla in whispers meanwhile Brittany murmured “ _It was brutal_.”) I just want to sing something different. Sam and I already chose what we’re going to sing. (Sam gave him a thumbs up while nodding like an excited puppy) It’s not like we’re doing 8 Mile. We will just sing a rap song and the winner will get whatever they want!”

Mercedes rolled his eyes. “Blaine, do you know how it is on Friday nights at _The Basement_? Me and my girl Tesla hung out there before. I don’t think y’all can handle that. They’re not exactly Eminem friendly.” Tesla hid her laugh behind her hand. Santana got defensive about her heritage meanwhile Quinn was silent. After the divorce with Puck, she talked much less. "What do you think about it, Quinn?" Blaine sweetly asked her, Quinn smiled back. "As long as I'm hot, I'm welcome at every stage.” She smirked. “And you see how I look. So it’s a yes from me.” Sam yelled a “Yay!” meanwhile Brittany stated that she rapped with Lord Tubbington before so it wasn’t a challenge for her. Then everyone turned their focus on Kurt. Santana smirked and take a sip from her own cosmopolitan.

“What about you, Lady Hummel?” Kurt made a napkin ball at threw it at her but she dodged it quickly and smiled. “Honestly, Kurt, I can’t imagine you rapping. **You**. **The shoulder shimmy.”** She giggled. If it was old Kurt, he would’ve slapped her across the face but he just shrugged. “Yeah, I’m not the type but I will come. We will do this challenge and if I win, everyone here will buy me designer.”

Kurt smiled. Blaine didn’t care about the audience and just kissed him.

* * *

One week later, the squad was there. When they first arrived they caught a glimpse of freestyling competition and it was wild. People were standing in front of the stage, some were booing, some were cheering, drinks in their hands and the audience voted for each rapper by screaming, showing their love. After the winner was announced, the DJ announced that people were welcome on stage and people went there to sign their names with their song choices. Everyone in the group was amazed at their surroundings because it was so different from Scandals. Grey walls, close to 0 decoration, tables away from the bar, and the stage… However, according to Tesla, the drinks were amazing (cocktails were named after famous rappers) so everyone ordered drinks and found a place in the corner. Kurt sipped his _Nicki Minaj_ while Blaine gave him angry puppy eyes and sipped his drink.

However, Mercedes was still worried.

“Kurt you know that you don’t have to it right?” It was whispered into Kurt’s ear, still audible over someone rapping whatever-this-rap-song-is. Kurt half hugged his best friend. “It is really okay, Mercedes. Don’t worry about me.” He gave her a little kiss on the cheek and stood up to go sign his name on the sheet; however, Tesla’s hand was on his shoulder in a second “I got you.”. She passed him and went to the DJ booth. Blaine was watching the two with curious eyes.

“Wait, she knows what you’re going to sing and I don’t?” Blaine raised his eyebrows and tried to act offended.

"Well, husband-o-mine you didn’t tell me which song you and Sam chose so it’s only fair.” Kurt gave him a cocky smile before kissing Blaine. If he were honest, they both looked so hot today. Kurt was wearing full black: black shirt, black tight pants with a chain on the side, black boots. Meanwhile, Blaine wore his red polo and black pants and didn't wear a bowtie. (" _I don’t think they would like bowties.” “Yes, baby, maybe next week.” Blaine nodded sadly.)_ Blaine stopped wearing too much hair gel and his curls were beautiful; Kurt listened to Santana's rant about her new co-worker while playing with Blaine's curls and Blaine relaxed in his arms. Then the DJ announced the next performer's name.

“Mercedes Jones. Wait? Is this a joke? We have a real celebrity here y’all!!!!!!” The crowd went wild when Mercedes was on the stage. After being the opening act on Beyonce’s tour, she gained many fans.

“Hello, everyone. Yeah, it’s me, Mercedes Jones. Today I’m here because we have a bet going on with my friends over there.” She pointed out their corner and for one second everyone in front of the stage turned and looked back at their group.

“So today, I won’t sing my style. I’m here to pay my respects to one and only Missy Elliot. Give me the beat, DJ!” When _Get Ur Freak On_ beat started, people screamed so hard, the ground shook. Mercedes was visible from their table and she was amazing.

“Okay, this is going to be harder than I thought.” Santana murmured while watching Mercedes slaying the song. Tesla was her back-vocal but Mercedes had her next to herself, they sang beautifully. When it was over and the next name wasn’t someone from their group, everyone congratulated Mercedes. Mercedes slightly blushed when Sam called her performance even more powerful than some scene in Star Wars meanwhile Tesla winked at Kurt.

Blaine started to notice that something was going on between the two but he simply put Kurt's arm around him and told himself to stop overthinking. This is also what his therapist would say: “ _Don’t think too much, Blaine_.”

So when Santana, Brittany, and Quinn's names were announced, they got attention from the audience because they were wearing those pink satin dresses which didn't hide that much skin. They had glittery makeup and lip gloss. Santana took the mic but instead of doing the talking, she gave it to Quinn. Quinn smiled and took it from her.

“You can call us the unholy trinity, at least this is what they called us in high school.” The crowd cheered and whistled. “Also, we are going against Miss Mercedes Jones.” She sent a kiss to the group and Santana nodded to the DJ to start the beat.

_Day to night to morning, keep with me in the moment_ _  
I'd let you had I known it, why don't you say so?_

“This is cheating, this not a rap song!” Sam yelled meanwhile Quinn, Santana and Brittany matched their moves perfectly. Then Santana started rapping.

_Let me check my chest, my breath right quick (ha)_ _  
He ain't never seen it in a dress like this (ah)  
He ain't never even been impressed like this  
Prolly why I got him quiet on the set like zip._

Kurt had to admit that she was good, she skipped the n-word and they looked so aesthetically pleasing, even the crowd was vibing with the disco beat. Also, they were sexy so it was a bonus (yeah Kurt’s gay, not blind). Blaine moved next to Sam and started to discuss their song. Kurt used the opportunity to go to the bar and get another drink. Apparently, _Nicki Minaj_ cocktail tasted really good.

“You with Miss Jones huh?” The bartender asked while mixing his drink. Kurt nodded.

"High school friends." The man continued to mix his drink but his eyes were on Kurt. Kurt couldn’t handle the pressure.

“Okay, come on say it. This is not a place for people like me right?” Kurt huffed, the alcohol was buzzing in his veins. The bartender smiled and put his freshly prepared drink on the bar.

"No, I was just going to ask you out, but I saw the ring. Don't be so uptight." The man winked at him and moved onto the next customer in the line. When Kurt returned to their table, he was red as an apple.

“I just got hit on by the bartender.” He blurted. Blaine was on him in seconds, clutching him like octopus meanwhile others were laughing. Tesla chuckled mentioning that the man's name was Trent and yeah, he was gay. Santana laughed out loud at Blaine’s clinginess meanwhile Mercedes just giggled. Blaine raised his face from Kurt’s neck and gave him puppy eyes.

“Can you stop being so hot for a second?” Blaine pouted and before Kurt answered, Brittany said in her most serious tone: “No, it’s a unicorn thing. He can’t turn it off.”

They all laughed.

* * *

“This is cheating. This is not even rapping, this is R&B!” Santana yelled meanwhile Sam and Blaine captured the audience with their voice. _Sunflower_ was a very popular song and fit these two really well. Kurt watched his husband to sing Swae Lee’s verse.

_Someone took a big L, don't know how that felt_ _  
Lookin' at you sideways, party on tilt  
Ooh, some things you just can't refuse  
She wanna ride me like a cruise  
And I'm not tryna lose._

When they returned, still stage high, Blaine sent a mean look at the bartender who wasn’t even looking at them and kissed Kurt messily. Kurt kissed him back but he had to cut it short when DJ called out for _Kurt Hummel_. Blaine gave him “ _You don’t have to if you don’t want to you know_ ” look and Kurt gave him a quick peck before he ran to the stage. Tesla was next to him in seconds.

“Look I don’t know how you did this in one week but if you can manage to pull this off-”

“I will. Just ask for two chairs. I don’t rap when I’m standing. I sing.” He winked at Tesla. She huffed but went to the DJ booth. Someone yelled “Dude, are you lost? This ain’t no Broadway.”

Kurt smiled. “I know. I’m not lost though. I’m here to challenge Miss Mercedes Jones, like my other friends."

“ _You_?” Someone mimicked his speaking voice in the crowd and the crowd laughed. At that moment, Kurt realized how much he’s changed through the years. He didn't feel anything for them, their laughter meant nothing. No shame, no sadness.

“I’m Kurt Hummel.” He said it in his calmest voice. “I grew up in Ohio. At least that’s why my friends think.” The crowd got silent for a second so Kurt continued. “I’m half German by blood. I grew up in a working-class town in Mannheim.”

“DUDE WE’RE NOT HERE TO LISTEN YOUR LIFE STORY!” someone yelled so loud, Kurt could not help but laugh with them. “And as they always say, if you want to stay alive on the streets of Mannheim, there are two things you need to know. One, how to run fast.”

He smirked. “Two, how to _rhyme_.”

When the beat started, Tesla and Kurt were seated next to each other and Kurt started singing in his low key.

_People ask me, people ask me all the time_ _  
How you doing that? How, how you doing that?  
People ask me, people ask me all the time  
How you doin' that Busta rhyme?_

Someone in the crowd yelled “You must be kidding me!” when Kurt started rapping.

_I don't really know_ _  
I don't really know how I got a flow  
I don't wanna tell you I'm a pro  
Do a little run and I get it done  
Every time I spit it like a gun  
Mom said I must've been born with it  
I wasn't always so sure of it  
Now, now I can see all the worth in it  
so I be burnin' shit_

“He wrote it himself. HE FUCKING WROTE IT HIMSELF!” Blaine yelled from his seat. He was shocked about the whole thing going on but also _super turned on_.

After the chorus part, Kurt leaned forward and continued to rap flawlessly meanwhile people were gawking at him. Then he started to go light-speed.

_Y’all never wanted me to be another copy catter  
Would you rather see me pull another dagger?  
When I get to rhyming, all the people start to gather  
And I’m making it look easy like I’m working up a lather  
And my teacher is a legend, ain’t nobody on his radar  
I know how to write a rhyme, he's a really hard grader  
Can you please do me a favor and jump on the elevator  
Going up in this bitch like a hungry alligator  
Twist it and I turn it like a hate exterminator  
If it’s any indicator, call it now or call me later  
'Cause my team is rollin in like a bevy of invaders  
We ain’t never turn down ‘cause I never use a fader  
And I keep it on a hundred so my booty got no stuffin'  
If you disappointing me, I do a fair amount of cussin'  
It’s magic when I’m cuttin' and puttin' it outta nuttin'  
Stuntin' Gucci on my boots so they see me when I’m coming_

When The verse was over Kurt was to back his counter-tenor Broadway voice meanwhile Tesla was repeating the same line everyone was asking at this point “ _How you doin’ that Busta Rhymes_?”

When the song ended, the winner of the Freestyle came up to talk with him on the stage, DJ handed a USB to Tesla and she thanked him and, there were many “Sorry bro”s were received. When Kurt arrived at the table full of angry and shocked people, he innocently smiled.

“Surprise!”

Santana was going to murder him.

* * *

When they entered the apartment, Blaine took off his jacket and laid it on the couch. If they weren’t having this silent-treatment/fight thing going on, Kurt would’ve grumbled about it. Instead, he took his jacket off as well, hung it onto their coat rack, and went to the kitchen to put SodaStream machine on. It was a thing that Kurt did whenever they had a conflict and he was on the wrong side: He would bring Blaine a glass of "organic" soda and act as he loves it too. Blaine knew that Kurt hated that machine and soda drink. Still, Kurt would sip while listening to Blaine's points, and later when they make up, Blaine would make him coffee or hot chocolate.

This time wasn't different; when Kurt returned from the kitchen with two glasses of orange soda drink in his hands, Blaine was staring at the rug Kurt imported from Turkey. It was a really pretty rug. Kurt put glasses on the coffee table and sit next to Blaine.

"Are you still mad at me?" Kurt wished he could pull off puppy eyes as Blaine could.

“Well I just found out my husband, whom I’ve been married for years, is actually German, had a completely different life than I assumed and didn’t tell me anything about it for years so what do you think?” Blaine reached for his glass and drank half of it in one go. Kurt sighed.

“Look, it’s not that different okay? It’s just a thing about my mom and you know that I don’t talk about her.” Kurt took a small sip from his drink and forced himself to swallow.

"Maybe we should." Blaine's voice was small. "Kurt, I'm your husband. How can I not know that you grew up on the streets and rapped like _Eminem_?” Blaine turned to Kurt and Kurt saw the hurt in his eyes.

"Okay, _one_ , I didn't grow up on the streets. My mom's family had a house even bigger than your family's." Kurt took a deep breath. "However, they weren't good people Blaine. That's why my mom eloped with my dad and came to Ohio years ago. To protect me and my dad and right after they came here…" Blaine knew the rest of the story, the car crash, and Kurt's hatred towards careless drivers. Kurt took one last sip from his drink and put the glass down.

"I'm so sorry that I didn't talk about it before. I just really don't see myself as that little kid who got into trouble just to be noticed. Honestly, I learned rhyming from the Turkish immigrants who lived nearby. I had a friend named Ali. He was a strong kid. He helped me a lot.” Kurt held Blaine’s hand tightly.

“That’s all. Are you still mad?” Kurt tried to give puppy eyes but Blaine just sighed and smiled.

“I am not. Even though, I hated that there was something about you so important I didn’t know, you rhyming on that stage...” Blaine took a deep breath and got closer to Kurt. “It _really_ turned me on.”

Kurt felt his cheeks burning but it didn’t stop him continuing what Blaine has started. “Oh, is that so? You like it when I talk hard and fast huh?” Kurt put his arms on Blaine’s shoulders and Blaine’s eyes twinkled with want. When he spoke, his voice was breathy.

“ _Yeah_. Yeah, I really, _reeaally_ love it.”

Blaine kissed Kurt like a starving man and they didn't even make it to the bedroom.


End file.
